


Beginning

by lolamit



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Light Angst, M/M, Malec, POV Alec, Sad Alec, Short, Supportive Magnus Bane, Understanding Magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:57:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6933313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lolamit/pseuds/lolamit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week after the wedding and Alec is stressed about not doing enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Short, kind of angsty drabble that kicks off my 30 Days of Writing challenge. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_“You never cease to amaze me, Alec,”_

_“Yeah. What did I just do?”_

It had been a week since the wedding. A week that, to Alec, should feel like a honeymoon, but instead had him more worked up than ever. His parents’ continuous judgement, Jace gone with Valentine and Hodge – their teacher and friend since as long as Alec could remember – betraying them, giving the Mortal Cup to Valentine and hurting Lydia in his course of action. Even with Jocelyn back and Magnus by his side, he felt undeniably discouraged. 

This was the very beginning of his relationship with Magnus, though they still hadn’t gone on that first date that had been brought up so many times. Alec wanted to go through with it, as soon as possible, but with everything going on, they had to put it on hold. The entire institute was hanging by a thread after the past events, and with a role like Alec’s, he was required to take charge, get things back in order. The Clave had been distrusting enough when they sent Lydia, and now that all of them had rebelled against their orders – even Alec – The Clave wasn’t exactly over the moon. 

“What are you thinking about, dear?” 

A voice so soft snapped Alec out of his thoughts, lifting his head until his eyes were aligned with Magnus’. He hadn’t heard when he entered his room. The warlock was smiling, though worry was visible in his glance. 

“Everything,” Alec turned his head away, not wanting to look weak in front of the other.

“Talk to me, Alec. What’s plaguing you?” the man stepped closer, searching for Alec’s eyes with his own. “Is it Jace?”

“It’s everything, Magnus!” Alec said, not meaning to raise his voice. “Jace, Lydia, Hodge… My parents. Everything and everyone.”

Alec sat down on his bed, hands clasped together and elbows resting on his knees. He closed his eyes with a sigh, forcing all the painful thoughts aside and trying to focus on the good things. Magnus. Isabelle. Jocelyn’s awakening. But, as his sister so brilliantly put into words: _Heavy is the head that wears the crown._

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do,” Alec spoke, much softer this time. 

Magnus sighed, taking a seat next to Alec on the bed. He could feel the warlock’s warmth just by brushing his arm against his, and somehow, it calmed him. Neither one of them spoke for a while, letting the quiet do the talking. Alec listened to their breathing, sometimes in sync sometimes not. His own breathing was shallow. He found it hard to inhale deeply with Magnus beside him, scared he’d suck all the air out of the room or give off the wrong message. After a few moments, he dared to glance at the man next to him through his peripheral vision. Magnus was frowning, a look Alec so desperately wanted to turn into a smile, but he remained silent. 

“Perhaps that’s the problem, Alexander. You put so much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out that, when you don’t, you feel futile,” Magnus spoke suddenly, catching Alec in the middle of a thought, making his head turn instantly. 

The warlock met his eyes, and Alec didn’t have to speak any words at all for Magnus to understand he was right. They both knew it. Alec was prone to criticize himself more than anyone, and in times like these – with critique sneaking behind every corner – his effort was maxed out to keep the lead. 

He knew that if he could only figure out a way, a plan to get Jace back and stop Valentine, then he wouldn’t feel so incomplete. So inadequate. So _useless_. But he’d already thought of everything. Every time he tried to think outside the box and come up with new ways, he drew a blank and cursed himself for not doing enough. Izzy had done everything she could to help, whether it was taking some of the heat off of Alec or simply coming with ideas herself. Even Clary had some pretty interesting tactics, but they all either got turned down by The Clave or were too complicated to go through with. 

Magnus put his hand on Alec’s thigh, making it tingle slightly, and Alec put a hand on top of Magnus’. He smiled at the warlock, wanting it to reflect how he felt, but he knew that by smiling, he was putting on a mask. Hiding his true emotions from the man to whom it meant the most. Alec felt bad for shielding himself the way he did, but deep down he knew that Magnus could tell he wasn’t being honest. And he was forever grateful that the warlock chose not to confront him about it. Instead he hugged Alec’s hand a little tighter, looked deep into his eyes – beyond the lies and sorrow – and smiled back.

**Author's Note:**

> So I've decided to try a writing challenge where I'll be posting 'a drabble a day' for 30 days. (Hopefully, since school is almost out, though I might skip a day every once in a while due to homework). I'm using an already existing challenge which can be found here: http://30daychallengearchive.tumblr.com/post/36511456720/genimhaled-using-the-prompts-below-write-a 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
